How do you ask for a reference?

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What a great posting by Adam Grant that crossed by desk this morning https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-ask-recommendation-letter-adam-grant    Our writing styles are similar (what NOT to do!).   I love it.

Some of the best requests for recommendations I’ve received? 

The person who I hadn’t ‘t spoken to in a half dozen years who reached out for a reference.  The student who did not do well in my class and barely spoke, yet wanted a letter of recommendation.  The person who sent me an e-mail asking if I’d be a reference but provided no details are what they’ve been doing or the role they are vying for (and this after years of silence).

The very best one?

The person who I hadn’t spoken to in nearly six years (since I had to let her go) who never kept in touch.  She reached out to me out of the blue to ‘see what was new with me and what I was doing.’  We chatted for a bit and I offered to provide some advice over a coffee since she was in job search mode.  She agreed to call me in the next week or so to tee up a time to meet.  The next day I get a call from a company because she provided my name as a reference.  Really?  Why wouldn’t she tell me that?  Why wouldn’t she be up front and say that was the reason for her call?  We could have discussed it and I probably would have said yes.

Did I give her a poor reference?  No, that’s not my style.  I told the individual it had been a long time since she worked for me and other than confirming that she did indeed work for me, dates and title, I could not provide anything further.  I suggested she ask the candidate for a more recent reference or someone who could recall details more clearly.  My mother always said, ‘if you have nothing good to say, say nothing.’  After all, I had not agreed to provide a reference for her and did not feel compelled to do so.

Thoughts?

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